hurt to be no one..

The very hurt situation is when you consider someone as “the one” but she/he doesn’t consider you as theirs. For God’s sake.. nothing worst than that. And I’m about to deal with that.

Pernah ga ngerasa bahwa orang yang selama ini bersamamu (read:pacar) bukanlah the one for you? Bukan orang yang benar2 kamu inginkan. Bukan orang yang kamu rasa bisa bikin kamu bahagia. And.. Not the one you wanna live with. Tapi sayangnya.. kebersamaanmu yang udah sekian lama bikin semuanya jadi gak mudah. Even mempersulit!! You don’t really have logical reasons to get out of Him.

Well, I called it as a norm. Sebuah situasi yang menyudutkan kita untuk terus bersama dengan orang yang udah menjalin hubungan sekian lama dengan kita. We are an eastern, indeed, we have a norm, indeed, tapi bukan berarti kita harus bertahan dengan orang yang kita rasa bukan ‘soulmate’ or in other word ‘the one’ kita. Eventhough, we don’t really have a principle problem in it. The reason is ‘I just wanna leave him’.. ‘I cannot be with him’.. ‘my heart says he’s not the one’.. Those things are not reasons, that are what makes this situation difficult.

I was dealing with that he’s-not-the-one-situation, and now I’m dealing with he’s-the-one-but I’m-not-the-one-for him-situation. So damn pathetic. With the different ‘He’ of course!

When I found someone whom I really wanna live with, whom I wanna lay besides forever, whom makes me cruelly left my boyfriend, whom for the first time I dreamed about the wedding, whom I imagined about having his babies, whom I do really sure of HIM.. it’s the time when I get the karma. He doesn’t have what I’m feeling. He doesn’t want me. And the point is He doesn’t placed me as his ‘the one’ like I did.

Aku sering jatuh cinta. Aku juga sering sakit hati, begitu juga patah hati. Tapi this time’s so difficult. I’m never feels this hurt in life, in love life of course. He gave me hopes, but then turns me down. He said he loves me, but he doesn’t really want me. Then I began to realize.. aku mulai benar2 paham bahwa mencintai dan menginginkan itu tidak sama.